Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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