i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
