At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
