But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
