i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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