we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
