One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I love having hate sex.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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