Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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