I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
