I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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