weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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