I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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