Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize