If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
