OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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