No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
