If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
