there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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