she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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