I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
