I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
