I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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