if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
