Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
