Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
