I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
