so explain again why im purple
no
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
