so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
