I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
