omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
