My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
