that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
