R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
