well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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