All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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