so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
