I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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