I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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