the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
