I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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