Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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