I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
