apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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