I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
