She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
