I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
