You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality