no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.