He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."