maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i will never coherently bang her
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
