I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
