do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Let's get the cat blown out
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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