Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
