i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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