Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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