I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
