No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
