i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
