Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
