Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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