doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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