So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
