last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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