if only i could text you this smell
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
