So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
