Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
