is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
