the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
