I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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