Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
