And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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