would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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